Sunday, May 2, 2010

the game

Guys, step up your game. I say this in the most tender and gentle way i know how. I don't know if its just the sample of dudes ive been encountering or if the whole male population has somehow dwindled to become all half retarded and charmless, but i say this for your sake.

Yes, I have a boyfriend. i love him very much and he is perfect. but i also enjoy bantering and having a good conversation with a stranger who is also willing to buy me drinks. Charles doesnt mind; it saves him money.

So here it goes, things that guys do that will turn off any girl. any quality girl anyway:

1.) coming up to me with no conversation starter in mind. just approaching me with a stupid "hi" or "hey" is not going to catch my attention. children have better pick up lines than that. they can go up to me and be like "TAG YOURE IT" and ill be more interested.

2.)the only thing worse than ugly guys is ugly guys that think theyre fucking hot. dont confuse this with confidence. confidence is very different from douchebaggery. learn the difference. dont get me wrong. i will never be mean to a guy who is sincere, no matter how he looks. if hes just genuinely nice, i love that. but if you walking around like you got that brad pitt swagger and you look gollum and you act like im blessed that you even paid attention to me, im going to fucking laugh in your face and hit that drink right out of your hand.

3.)guys that brag to compensate for their lack of personality. its cool that you go to law school or med school, but dont fucking throw it in my face like you already ballin or ur Jesus. It's cool if you slip it in the conversation but dont make that a focal point about you. this also goes for your car. i dont give a shit what you drive.

4.)CHEAP guys. OMGG. here is the deal. if you buy me a drink and you dont know how to tip the bartender, next. (rule of thumb :it usually 1 dollar per drink. but you should always tip more than that.)
a.)if you buy me a drink and ask for one for return...i dont even know what to say.

5.)guys that have no sense of humor or dont get my jokes. no need for elaboration.

6.) guys that say "so can i have your number" straight off the bat. like right after "hello". no you cant fucking have my number. i dont even fucking know you. and when i ask why they say something stupid like "to get to know you". barf. get a new line.

7.)guys that ask "so do you have a boyfriend" right away. its just awkward. bc i will reply like "yes i have a boyfriend and he is bad ass. he is like Optimus Prime and Aslan rolled into one." (even if i didnt have a bf)

8.)important: if you buy a girl a drink, that gives you no right to dance with her or be all over her the whole night (unless she so chooses so). the best thing to do is buy her a drink,compliment her, make her laugh and walk away. for added points, make sure she sees you having fun with other chicks. she will be hooked. girls love being ignored so when she runs into you again, shell be happy to see you again instead calling you "that creepy guy who keeps staring at me".

there's more but i have to go back to studying. this is enough distraction.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

good afternoon

1.) I hate it when guys say stupid shit like "I'm just looking for a good girl." what does "good" mean? as in she's not evil like Voldemort? Honestly, whenever i hear the word "good girl" i immediately think of "boring girl". If i were a dude, i would want an interesting girl. a funny girl. a ride to die girl. a beyonce to my jay z. the bonnie to my clyde. the lady to my gaga. haha

2.)another thing i hate is when chicks refer to themselves as a "bad bitch" as in cool/edgy. bitch you aint bad. you know who's a bad bitch? Hit Girl from Kick Ass. She is 11 and she literally beats, stabs and shoots the shit out of everyone that hurt her father. She has badass purple hair and a cape. That is a bad bitch. You know who else is a bad bitch? Oprah. Just bc you shake your ass all fast and get drunk and wear slutty things and tat urself up dont make you a bad bitch. whats that you say? oh ly, you do those things all the time? well, i dont call myself a bad bitch; i just call myself awesome hahaha

3.)i fucking hate monkeys. they scare the shit out of me. i think its the fact that they resemble humans so closely. my mom told me this story of a woman that owned a monkey in vietnam. she raised the monkey like it was her own. she loved the monkey and the monkey loved her. too much. bc one day when she went on a date and took her date home, the monkey got incredibly jealous and killed the both of them.

4.) i love luggage. i adore them. i would wander into Fossil or any other luggage emporium and just admire them. i love leather. i love duffel bags. i love the ones with wheels. i love the ones without wheels. my dream is to have an entire leather set with my monograms on it. similar to the one on the Darjeeling Limited: see below

and i know what youre thinking: duh ly you love luggage because its associated with travelling and everyone loves travelling. yes, this is true. but i also love using luggage as surprise storages. like i keep shoes in one of my suitcases. in another, i keep magazines. etc etc. and everytime i open them, its like a gift.

5.) i wonder who decided it would be okay to eat an oyster. He must have been extremely brave. have you seen what an oyster looks like? the outside of the oyster looks like a common rock. did he look at it and think "hm let me open this up?" and then once he opened it up to its slimy, grey insides was he like "hmm let me put this in my mouth?" nevertheless, im glad he did because oysters are fucking delicious?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

kayak vs. flatstalker

im tired of my limited fishing areas. The life of the walk about angler sucks. alot of my friends now have boats, and yeah fishing with them is great, but the thing is that u have to go on their schedule. so im going to put and end to this, and plan to get a portable boat (which is nothing like a real boat, its just a kayak) so i guess i should say i plan to get a kayak, ooorrrr a flatstalker. ( ) so in this blog were going to do kayak vs flatstalker.


ive been doing research on kayaks for almost 3 years now, ever since i worked at academy sports and outdoors ive wanted one. ive recently found a really good deal on one online right now. at there locations are by austin and by dallas. the one i have my eyes set on is the Heritage Redfish 10, it has nothing but good reviews and from looking at the specifications it looks like a perfect fit for me at only $389 with an additional 10% discount. here are some pictures and how i found it Here are the negatives: i would still have to buy a paddle and other accesories; in kayaks i have to sit most of the day, fishing at standing in the kayak would be a hard task; and then all the paddling to get from fishing spot to fishing spot would be a work out ( pro or con, u decide)

now for the other option which is the Flatstalker. i first found out about the flatstalker in 2006, when it first hit the market. i met these two brothers at the houston boat show and they told me they have patent a stand up fishing kayak. the idea of it was cool, it was everything i wanted. how may you ask? heres a link pretty cool huh. so with this set up i have a sit on cooler, i can walk around and i dont have to paddle if i had on a little trolling motor to the back! fishing standing up vs fishing sitting down is no competition standing up is 100% advantage. this thing rocks! it even comes with its own paddle, and the cooler also houses tackle storage. here are the disadvantages: i dont know exactly how stable it is, the website says its super stable and even has videos of guys jumping on them in the water and riding through water rapids on it standing up, i believe it but not all of it. i think it is stable if i stand and walk and jump on it, but i dont think it would be stable if i was riding it through a channel with waves, but a kayak can make it through waves no problem; the other disadvantage is the price. when i first met the inventors of the flatstalker they were really coool, just two guys new to the market and they understood i was a broke college student and offered me one of the first ones for only 700 dollars! man i should of taken it. but now the flatstalker has blown up and everyone wants one so now they cost 1000 bucks. i saw one of the guys again when they came into academy he was a jerk. oh and i would have to pay an extra couple hundred to add on the trolling motor.

so what do u guys think? and when i say u guys its prolly just 3 of yall.

in other news,

the hard drive on my labtop crashed just a week before my finals. i was going to tell my prof. to see if i could get some sympathy, but before i could he told the class the hard drive on his computer had crashed the night before but not to worry because he had everything saved on a flash drive, and anyone who didnt would be " a complete idiot" .......well im a complete idiot. whos screwed now.

last week i was driving home on hwy 6 about 12 in the afternooon, when this car infront of me started swerving into the opposite oncoming traffic lanes, and they had no intentions on slowing down. so hes on hwy 6 going southbound just driving towards all these cars and all these cars are dodging him or her. man i wanted to see what the outcome was going to be but the turn into my neighborhood was up so i turned in. so heres my question to you all. do u think it was a dumb kid just being stupid in there car? someone who could have been messed up on drugs preciscrption drugs or illegal drugs dont matter, or maybe just someone who was really old, or someone who wanted to kill themselves but didnt have the balls to go all the way with it? or any other options? it was a gold colored chrysler, what scenerio do u guys think it could have been? feel free to add ur own ideas.

Monday, April 12, 2010

i cant sleep the idiot didnt put enough roofies in my drink

just kidding. but seriously i can't sleep so im going to post up random hatred rants thats going on in my head :

1.) i hate over the top cute. im not trying to say that im planning on drowning kittens and shooting puppies. thats different. they didnt choose to be cute; they just are. im talking about people that try too hard to be cute in a standardized way. like people who make those heart shapes with their hands. or put <3 <3 after everything perfectly common like "brushing my teeth <3<3<3" ... unless youre a dentist, no reason to love brushing your teeth that much. or liek opening your eyes super big in picturess to have that "innocent, doll, im on ecstacy" look. maybe its because i have small eyes and im just bitter but to me, its just grating for some reason. the only cute thing i like is Hello Kitty. Because she is the ruler of Japan. and im scared to not love her.

2.) i hate it when i mention how much i love lady gaga and someone replies with "ew shes a man" or "ew shes so weird". she is not a fucking man and she is awesome.

3.) i hate being kissed on the forehead. when i was young, my mom told me that my "third eye" was located on the center of my forehead and it was my spiritual eye. i know that being kissed on my regular eyes is not pleasant so dont fucking kiss me on my spiritual eye.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

such a hassle

Joseph Makjfdnv and Ly are not what you consider close or best friends.
They don't have friendship bracelets.
They never got matching tattoos.
They don't like to coordinate outfits.
They've only hung out with each other approximately 8.6 times.
They only like similar sandwiches (kind of, Josie doesn't have the same affection for chicken, tuna, and egg salad as Ly does).
The things they share in common however is their love for alcohol and sense of humor.
It's because of alcohol and their sense of humor that lead them to this blog.
A hungover Joseph, miserable in class suggests to Ly (for once not hungover) over Facebook chat that they should start a blog and that they will "make millions."
Ly doesn't understand how they will be rich nor does she even formally agree on writing in this blog, but here we are.

Shes right. barely even friends. but maybe that's what our blog should be about, two people kinda close but not super close competing for the attention of our readers. or rather than competing, we could be two opposite people sharing their own opinions on subjects, we like variety.
friendship bracelets are a waste of money
any tattoo she would get would not look right on me
if we matched outfits, that would make us cross dressers
8.6 times is pushing it, maybe not even that many times
i do like fried eggs in my sandwiches so when i bite into it the yoke goes everywhere.
shes quite the alcoholic, and pretty funny, i use her for laughs

so here are a few snipets from our online conversation, just so u guys can get the jist of our relationship level.

filipimpno:ive been in this class since 8, and the teacher hasnt even said a word yet
Christine ly nguyen:i think your e in the wrong class this is class for the mute, i think
Christine ly nguyen: you must look like a fool right now using your voice and whatnot
filipimpno: how do you come up with this stuff?
Christine ly nguyen:i like to think god felt bad for the way he makes me clumsy and breath out of my mouth and my uncontrollable drooling so he tried to even it out by giving me a weird sense of humor

talking about how anthony bourdain is way cooler than andrew zimmerman
Christine ly nguyen: andrew is creepy
Christine ly nguyen: like u cant eat all that wierd shit just because
Christine ly nguyen: something terrible prob happened to him as a child, or he has like strange ass fetishes with stashes of porn

Christine ly Ngueyn: i saw this asian girl
nay, woman
and she was sooo put together
perfect little shoes, perfect hair, perfect outfit
she came for lunch at my work place
i want to be her
she has a very serene quality abotu ehr
but she didnt laugh, which made me think she might be a robot

class is almost over...more later